October 4, 2010

I love Fall....October is pretty much one of the best months of the year. The chillyness starts to pick up and you get the light breeze all the time outside...great stuff :D Not to mention you get candy at the end of the year too! I get excited about alot of things in life and the more I want to press in on what it means to know Him more the more I press into His rest. God gave me this life to enjoy.  I spent to much time worrying about little things worrying about my problems and stupid things that probably aren't really going to matter when I die and spend eternity with Him.. Amen?!? I'm sure we could all say that. God has shown me alot about myself during these past few months. One of them is where I put my self-worth. I've always had this issue with guys...as I'm sure alot of girls do! But guys to me over the years have just really caused me to have this bitter heart. Bitter at what they did bitter at myself and bitter towards life. Almost like I was barely trying to make it through because of all the dead weight I was carrying around from my past. We were so not made to carry it by ourselves. It's like I hear this over and over again and I know my Father in Heaven doesn't want to see me sad and hurt, but don't you ever feel at times like it seems impossible to do it? I realized that by me spending all my time hating on what they did in the past. I had no time to live with what I had now. Life is really really short and the more I taste freedom the more I wish I could've learned this when I had the chance to say no to every hurtful thought towards another person. We don't have time to waste this life is such a gift and there are so many fun things so many blessings and plans the Lord has for us it's almost strange to think that I would rather hold on to what someone did to me in past then let go and allow myself to live life. God has been healing me by showing me more of who I am in Him. It's been really hard for me not to get back into that self hate mode. I've been learning about repentance too. Pastor Beau was preaching this past Sunday on Submission to God and he was like..."you either repent and believe or you don't." I think Satan is always trying to trip us up by getting us to think there's some middle ground or gray area. It's a sobering thought for me to realize that I am either growing in the Lord in His Word or I am coasting and backsliding.  1 Corinthians 16:3 "Be on your guard,stand firm in the faith, be men of courage be strong" I'm also learning that I always need to be in the scriptures or it's pretty much game over for me! His Words provide healing to my hurting heart and they offer a firm ground for me to stand on. Thanks for reading this blog!